A Force To Be Reckoned With:
Consider joining a new movement at Stanford
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Frustrated?
Is your weekly (now biweekly) dosage of the Stanford Review simply insufficient to quell your deep longing for conservatism? Are you not having much luck at Conservativematch.com (Sweethearts, not bleeding hearts)? Do you want to be *part* of something?
Well, you’re in luck, and you don’t even have to dial a 1-800 number or make a pact with the devil, but seeing as you’re conservative, you’ve probably already made your private Faustian deal. Only a couple of weeks ago, the Office of Student Activities approved a longstanding application for the formation of the “Stanford Conservative Society.”
We looked at several names as we went through the process, including Stanford Conservative Legion (Some members objected to wearing lion-skin helmets), Club (Where are our headquarters? The Treehouse?), Union (The Southerners might object), Coterie (it came up as we looked for synonyms of “organization,” and no, we still don’t know what it means), and Central Committee (too Communist). In the end, we chose the “Stanford Conservative Society” because it manages to somehow convey the idea that we might be respectable.
Some may wonder what exactly it is that we plan on doing. Trading stocks on our cell phones while playing golf and sipping martinis might be a valuable contribution to the American economy. Waging a personal war on drugs while attempting to institute capital punishment as a form of discipline for cheating might do wonders for Stanford’s sense of law and order. And shanghaiing students into military service in Iraq might help the war effort. But no, none of these plans are set for the immediate future. I am sorry to disappoint the plutocratic justice-seeking patriots.
Instead, the Society is going to work hard toward contributing to the dialogue on campus. No, you didn’t miss a joke there. The Society seriously will be working toward promoting role models and spokespeople for the cause, providing opportunities for conservatives to meet one another and prominent leaders, and preaching the gospel that is Conservatism.
We are not about to impose a litmus test on our membership. We don’t care if you call yourself “just right of center,” libertarian, conservative, or if you conveniently and quietly identify yourself as “moderate” on Facebook. We don’t charge dues, but we will accept any money you want to give us. We’re not going to have weekly meetings at inconvenient times in different locations on campus, although we’re happy to provide you with a list of errands if you’d like.
We’re just going to be a venue for your having a good time. We’ll host occasional events, write articles, and fight the good fight—with your help. Frankly, we’re probably the best group you’ll ever join (speaking without bias, of course). So, when you get a chance, calm down from your current excitement and shoot me, the President of the Stanford Conservative Society, an email at grant.starrett@stanford.edu. You may also call me if you correctly guess my 10 digit phone number.
Oh yeah. We have a goal of attaining 1000 members by tomorrow. So hurry up and join the shindig!
